In Thought : Dealing with Loss, Disappointment, & My Dreams

The past two years have been extremely hard for me. Not that my life was ever easy, but these years have been extraordinarily bad even for me. And now i’m at a point in my life where I don’t know where to go anymore. I feel stuck, anxious, tired, unsatisfied, and some days lifeless. It gets hard to get through my daily routine. People may wonder what I have to be upset about. After all, i’m young. I have my whole life to go. But the fact is that sometimes young people have already had a lifetime full of hardships. I am thankful for the times when I meet an understanding person who is older. Someone who also had it tough when they were young. Sometimes I sit and wonder who else feels like me. I know there must be other young adults, teens, and even older people who feel as if their lives have been a chaotic whirlwind and now they have been dropped off at a doorstep, so frightened of what might be waiting for them just on the other side. I really have not been to a church a few years, but I recall a minister who spoke about being STUCK. Stuck in the emotional baggage of life. Yeah, that’s me right now… But in listening to him I did get the message that being stuck is not only a state of mind, but a very physical situation as well. A person may be stuck not only in their feelings, but also in their daily lives. Let’s see: depression, anxiety, addiction, feeling unloved, feeling unwanted, feeling hopeless, needing attention, or just needing more support. But also in a physical sense such as being trapped in a dead end job, a bad relationship, a bad family, a bad neighborhood, or even if you are successful by it’s definition and you just don’t feel fulfilled. Am I describing anyone? The point i’m trying to make is that there are so many situations in life that can leave a person feeling trapped, feeling that they are wondering aimlessly, or a combination of the two.

Tonight I felt overwhelmed with my situation that I started thinking that my life might be hopeless. Somehow I wondered across a picture of the Disney Castle online. Something just woke inside me. I have never been there. But I want to go. I know it seems insignificant, but it really started a fire inside me. Why shouldn’t I be able to go anywhere I want or do what I want? I’m a good person and a hard worker. Then it dawned on me that I could do all of those things. I’m not sure how yet, but I know that I will  reach to where I want to be in life. It has been put in heart to make this post. I want to encourage anyone reading this who feels the way I do. At this point you are at a crossroads. You can either remain stuck in your bad situation, or you can leave your emotional baggage at the door and walk into the other side.

Freeing Your Self

I Know that it’s some thing to say you are starting anew, and another to actually follow through with it. I have done it way to may times in the past. So why am I so sure that it will work now? Because I now know that I need more than just “new happy outlook” and a calender with scenery and inspiration words. That’s not real life. Life is hard, sometimes I feel like my feet are stuck so deep in crap, that a simple quote is much to superficial to do me any good. One thing i’m honestly guilty of is basing my level of happiness on the rest of the world. “When you smile the world smiles with you, but when you cry, you cry alone”. No! There are lots of other people crying around the world right now. Some harder than you. That kind of saying gives me the impression of a JUST SUCK IT UP AND DEAL WITH IT approach to life. That approach will never get you far. Believe me I’ve tried. What’s been important for me to remember is that MY life is totally different from everyone else’s. You should never feel bad about feeling bad. Maybe that amazing happy person you see on the job is so happy because they just have more to be happy about in their lives right now. On thing that made me feel so bad, was comparing myself to others and wondering why I wasn’t as happy as them. I see now that I cannot rely on the outside world to gauge where I am in my life.

I hated it when I would look up tips for dealing with depression and anxiety, and I would get answers like, “reach out to a family member or friend”. It can be hard for people who feel hopeless to  reach out to anyone and say how they feel, for fear of the other person not understanding them or giving them one of the generic answers stated before. Or what if a person doesn’t have anyone close they can reach out to. It’s true that positive interactions with people are good for the soul, but sometimes there are simply none to be found. Well none of that matters to me anymore because I finally understand that to be truly happy, I have to be able to stand alone. In life people will always let you down whether they mean to or not. That’s why you can’t depend on others for your emotional well being. I know…simple right? But it has taken me a long time to fully realize this.  In order for me to reach my goals I can’t focus on the situation I’m in. There has to be something inside of me that I draw my strength from. For me that’s the knowledge that I can succeed. God made me to do something great with my life and no matter how many times I get set back, I will eventually get to where I want to be. Knowing this is a relief to me. Now all I have to do find out what I want to do and start working towards it.

Dreaming   

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my friend who I hadn’t spoken to in a few months. I was surprised to learn that he had started a career without any training or college. He has always been talented and that’s all he needed. When I told him how I felt and he told me to write a list of my dreams and goals. Of course I was not impressed with idea of writing down goals as a way of making an actual change in life. But he assured me that writing that list was all he did to start off. Tonight i’m going to do the same thing. This new feeling that I can do whatever I want makes me excited to write the list this time. I have been so caught up in the daily problems of my life that it is like I had forgotten how to dream. When I was a little girl I had no problem thinking up all the things I wanted in life. But as I got older I forgot most of those dreams. I think sometimes as people we get so wrapped up in our problems that we almost stop believing we can accomplish whatever we want and begin to put limitations on ourselves. Or at least that’s what I did. Right now I have to find a quiet place and remember just what it was that I wanted to do in the first place. Where I want to live, what makes me really happy, what kind of job I want, what kind of climate I enjoy living in. All of these things are in my power to control. So why did I start to believe I had nothing to do with my own life? The more I type, the more I wonder where I went wrong. ….The important think is that i’m back on the right path now.

As always, I hope I reached someone in need of a little encouragement.

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5 thoughts on “In Thought : Dealing with Loss, Disappointment, & My Dreams

  1. I know how you feel 100%
    I nearly had a emotinal breakdown the other day.
    A coworker talked my feelings out with me and got it right one the nose.
    I burst into tears. I was sad, all my feelings coming out at once.
    However it was nice to know someone understood my feelings.
    I’ve been a lot better since then. This week has been nice so far anyway. lol.

    • Lol, I’m glad you’re having a good week. & Yes, i feel like in times like those it’s best to just get the emotions out. Cry if you have to, and then start planning your next move. After all, when you admit how bad you feel, the only thing left to do is start figuring out what else you want to do that day : )

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